By Stanley Cavell
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Additional resources for Little did I know : excerpts from memory
I do, however, now intend to bear in mind the thought that this has been a cause of my particular attention to the words of Philosophical Investigations. Something else here is especially obscure, or unintuitive. If asked whether the moods of men or of women are more likely to control my own, I would at once answer that I was more attuned to the moods of women. But while I have been disappointed and interested and perplexed and saddened and made happy and been frightened, even maddened, by the moods of women, I do not recall this particular sense of devastation through them—a sense that not I, or that within me, was broken, but the world.
July 8, 2003 This is the moment I described as dating my knowledge that my father wanted me dead, or rather wanted me not to exist. Can it not equally be described, and less melodramatically, as a familiar case of displaced affect—here from his own sense of disruption and who knows what anxiety in leaving the old house and feeling useless in the new one, onto a handy object for venting? But then why was I such an object, instead of a source, for example, of solace, or of one needing solace? Besides, the explanation invoking displacement would fit better the pos- Part 1 19 sibility that he had been moved, without my intervention, to take a murderous dislike to the purple bowl on the dull silver stand; I was then merely an innocent bystander who had intercepted his rage.
He ignored her, but she persisted. ” He asked for the check without taking another bite of food and we left. What would I have had to know, or imagine, to decide whether to love him for suffering so terribly or to despise him for sacrificing us to his self-contempt? At the end of World War II it was my father who was the first in Sacramento to form a Zionist organization there and in neighboring small towns as far away as Placerville, in Gold Country, with the immediate purpose of collecting money to send to Palestine.